Why Every Teacher Should Ask, “What Am I Missing?”

Author: Charle Peck

Charle Peck M.Ed., MSW

Empathy in the classroom is not just about understanding; it's about actively seeking the unseen stories behind student behavior. A poignant example from the shared story illustrates how a teacher discovered that a student's seemingly disruptive behavior stemmed from coping with personal loss—the death of his father, who coincidentally had delivered the teacher's child as a substitute obstetrician. Initially perceived as an annoying distraction, the teacher’s perspective shifted after learning the student's backstory, fostering a deeper connection and reshaping her approach to classroom management. This transformation underscores the critical importance of moving beyond assumptions to discover the emotional roots of behavior).

To apply this empathetic approach, educators can use a simple, reflective question: “What am I missing?” This reframes moments of frustration into opportunities for understanding. By acknowledging that behavior is often a response to external or internal struggles, teachers can shift from reactive to supportive. Building empathy not only enhances teacher-student relationships but also creates a more inclusive and supportive learning environment. As research shows, fostering strong teacher-student connections significantly improves student engagement and academic outcomes (APA, 2021). This practice of humanizing students through empathy is a cornerstone of thriving educational communities and reinforces the shared mission of supporting every child.

American Psychological Association. (2021). Stress in America: The state of mental health in schools. American Psychological Association.